time to catch up......

WOW, it has been a long time since I wrote last. I kind of lost my head there for awhile. Come to think of it, not sure I quite found it yet.

There is so much on my mind....I don't know where to start...hmmm... well, as I last posted, I was done with Alfred Angelo. I left them for a job at a men's clothing store as Assistant Manager. Everything was fantastic....while I trained at another store, then I was sent back to my store. This is where my dreams of having a better job were shattered. The first few weeks, I wasn't quite sure what was wrong, but all I could say is my manager was intense. There was just something about her. Then I noticed her inner "biotch" start to shine! And boy is it bright!!!! But it's a total light switch; on/off, on/off! IT DRIVES ME NUTS! In the last week, I've really felt uncomfortable with her. Two days before Thanksgiving, my cat went nuts and I needed to take her to the vet to make sure it wasn't something serious, so I called and asked if I could come in early so I could leave early. She said it was fine. Then there were 2 days I was late, like 7-8 minutes. Which I called her and explained to her that I as stuck in traffic (especially one day, from the winds, the freeway was blocked).  Then I had a sick day. A day where I probably would have gotten the whole store sick if I had gone. All this caused me to be written up. I can understand being written up for being late, but having to take my cat to the vet and being sick?! How does that count against me?! Her reasoning is "the policy book states that you have to work your scheduled shifts". So this means, I can't have ANY emergency what so ever! She also told me this is means for termination and that she feels like she made a mistake hiring me because I am "soooooo" unreliable. Whatever b.....

But this doesn't really matter in comparison to how she actually treats me! She is rude, short, snappy, and just uncomfortable for me to be around. Stupid things like me telling her the DM is in the area and the Upland store told us to be on the look out, she says "Good for him". Now is that necessary?! NO! Or today, she went on her lunch, then about 10 minutes later the phone kept ringing but every time I answered, they hung up. So finally I gave the phone to one of the associates and it was my manager! I find that a little ironic that 4 times in a row the phone rings then hang up until someone else answered. Then there are the times when I ask her how to do something and she gets mad and makes comments like "you should know this by now". Or when I asked about the extended Holiday hours; "Well clearly you didn't read the Holiday policy packet". Save the attitude! Really! BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY GETS ME, the second another associate is around, she is sweet as pie to me. Acts like we are BFF's and go way back!! CUT THE CRAP WOMAN!!!
All this just makes me think that I made a mistake by leaving Alfred Angelo. I just try to remember that I was underpaid and overworked and that I was being used. Why can't I just find a good job?!? The boyfriend says I'm not happy anywhere I go, and he's right, I'm not. But there is good reason! Again I say, I miss the Deli Grind. Mostly because it was a job where we were all a family and there was respect for each other. It was chill and there was no BS drama! I miss it! Maybe that's what ruined my outlook on all jobs. My first job was the absolute best! So now I have such high expectations. Sigh....

So I also wonder again about my major choice. I flip flop back and forth as much as one changes their chonies. But I can't help it. I feel like every choice I make is the wrong one so I'm nervous that I will never find a job in photography and will end up working retail the rest of my life and as I previously vented, I DO NOT LIKE RETAIL!!! I can't help but keep going back to teaching. A part of me, a big part of me (and I'm a big girl - so that's a lot!) really wants to be a preschool teacher. I love young kids and I feel like there are too many people out there responsible for the youth, for our future, that really should NOT be! Part of me wants to get my certification in photography, and continue to do it on the side but start taking Child Development Classes. Here's a pro, if I only want to teach preschool. I only need 12 units complete and I can actually start working in a day care. 12 units is only one semester. Here's another pro, if I decide I want to continue schooling and be an elementary teacher, I will have summer vacations. I can spend summer vacations focusing on photography. Maybe book a few summer weddings and such to keep the bills paid. I don't know. I love both. Today, a young mom came in with her 2 children who had face paint on. The mom expressed to me how she needs to be quick before the kids start acting up. I found out what she was looking for and directed her where to go. At that point I started talking with the kids and asking them about their face paint. Then went on and on about the parade and Santa and it gave mom time to shop with out worrying about her kids. I quite enjoyed it. The mom thanked me and after she left I felt more satisfied with helping her with her kids then I did with making a sale. The rest of the day, all I could think about is how I wished I worked with kids. What does that mean?! Am I wrong to change my major, AGAIN?! And am I so concerned about what people are going to say if I change it that I might pass up on doing what I was meant to be doing? But what happens if photography is it for me? I'm not going to lie, I can be pretty artistic when I shoot, but is it really enough to have a steady job or will I end up freelancing it?! Why does this have to be so hard?! Why does growing up have to be sooooo complicated?!

Which brings me to my next statement; In two months from today, I will be 28!! OMG!!!  I can say that I am actually somewhat happy that I am where I am. When I was 25 I stated that I had better be moved out by 27, and I did move out at 27. Not how I imagined, but I really like where I live. I have good roomies, and it's in an ideal location. I am in school (whatever my major might end up being) but in school none the less. I have a boyfriend who loves me (most days- but I think today isn't one of them :p ) and family and friends who love me. I know I am blessed. I just can't believe how fast life happens!

Anyway, I think it's time to veg out to some episodes of "New Girl" (my absolute fav) and then call it a night. Thank you dear Internet for letting me spill my guts all over you....