in the right direction...

Starting therapy was the best decision I have ever made. Tonight was my second session and I'm sad that it's already over. She listens to me talk and then points out things; She brought to light that I have a tendency to not let myself feel good about myself. I will start with a positive thought then immediately go negative. Turns out I have internalized judgement from others and just judge myself, and am a bit obsessive over it. I'm not really going to get into everything we talked about but I will say that going is already helping me. And I really like her, A LOT! anyway, she did point out that she can tell that I am fighting to get better and even though I have my moments when I'm devastated, in tears, and not wanting to do anything, that I am struggling to pull myself out of it. She said that I am doing surprisingly well considering my circumstances but we still have a lot of work to do. I really am fighting to get better. I am fighting for me.

I know I have posted this song and quotes from this song, but it's really the only song I want to listen to these days. The lyrics are word for word what I am going through and listening to the song helps keep me in a positive mood. So again, I will post it, because "I'll be alright, just not tonight, but someday..."

Gonna Get Over You - Sara Bareilles

On a different note, I am totally stoked about the fact that I have lost 45 pounds. I had been feeling discouraged and feeling like it really wasn't all that noticeable. The numbers are going down, my clothes are huge, but when I look in the mirror I still feel huge! So I found a picture of me from January before I started eating healthy and working out. I decided to compare pictures so I put on the same dress and had Andrea snap a quick shot of me. Once I put them together, I was blown away! I couldn't believe the difference! I was totally encouraging to me and re-motivated me! I still have over 100 pounds to go but I've already lost 1/3 of my total weight loss goal! How awesome is that?!?! I really can't stop staring at the picture! So I'll just leave it right here for now:

Anyway, so this concludes my blog for now.