a no good very bad day...

So this morning while on my way to work, I rear ended someone. I was getting off the freeway on the car in front of me started to move so I followed. As I followed, I looked to my left and in the 2 seconds I was looking, the car in front of me stopped. Next thing I know, BOOM! I hit her! She was in shock but was able to move over to the side and out of the way of traffic. Neither car had damage, but all I could think about is "I can't be late to work" (see previously posted blog about that story). So I gave her my info and left, foolishly not getting her info as well. I was pretty upset driving the rest of the way to work. Not because I hit someone, not because I didn't get her info, but because I knew I would be in trouble for being late. And sure enough I was. My manager says she "has to talk to HR and see what they instruct her to do". Look, I was in an accident, why you feel the need to make a big deal about my tardiness due to it is beyond me. She says because of my "excessive" attendance issues, that it's a serious problem I was late today. Ok, as if I wasn't already stressed out from the fact I hit someone, you have to threaten me too?! And again I need to say I should not have been written up for "attendance" on things like being sick or calling and asking to work early so I can leave early to take my cat to the vet. That is just cold hearted that she would consider that. Yes I take responsibility for the days I was just plain running late, but I don't feel I should be held responsible for the wind knocking trees over on the freeway and blocking traffic and certainly don't think I should be given a final write up because I was in a fender bender. I'm just curious as to who wrote her up for being late twice last week or being taking an extended lunch because she didn't feel good. If it were me, she'd write me up in a hot minute. So anyway, I asked her this morning if I was going to lose my job. She said "I hate when people ask those kind of questions on the sales floor. It makes it uncomfortable for everyone. I will talk to you in the back when someone else is working". I replied "That's a yes" and she said "Well it isn't good". So this is my mind set all day; I won't have a job much longer. We didn't say much more to each other for the rest of the day other than "where do you want me to hang these?" It wasn't until I was walking out the door when she said "See you Friday" and I said, "If I still have a job; please don't fire me". We then got into discussion about how she "has" to report it but she will explain to HR what happened and that it will most likely be a final warning but anything there after, I'm gone. ANYTHING, so if my car is stolen, I lose my job. If I get shot, I lose my job. If someone I know or myself dies, I lose my job. Ridiculous. I just hope I can find another job before I don't have one...

Vent sesh....

I just have to say how absolutely disappointed I am in humanity these days. St Jude's children's hospital has made efforts to reach out to people to help pay for their patients. They do not turn away a family if they cannot pay and on average it cost $100,000 to $500,000 to treat a child. So when a person is buying $200 of clothes for themselves and then Says "nah I'm good" when i ask for a donation, I just want to say "yeah I know you're good, you're not the one with cancer so donate a dollar you selfish prick!". But that was nothing in comparison to the scum who said it was rude for us to even ask. He ranted about how by us asking it then obligates them to donate When they don't want to. He acted like he was sooo smart and funny and I wanted to kick him where it counts! So for 3 days it's been sitting and brewing in my mind and making me sooo mad until today when this lady with diamond rings on all her fingers and a fur coat said " no they should donate to me" I literally walked away. I might loose my job over tryin to raise money for St. Jude's. If only these people had a baby who was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't afford treatment...then maybe they'd understand! Come on people!!! You are not in such bad shape financially to buy over priced clothing, but you can't spare 25¢, $1, $5?!? What's wrong with you!!! I bet you have spent hundred on stupid gifts that people don't ever use...so give a gift that means something! A gift that could save a life! These children are our future! They shouldnt be denied the chance to have that future!!!!

time to catch up......

WOW, it has been a long time since I wrote last. I kind of lost my head there for awhile. Come to think of it, not sure I quite found it yet.

There is so much on my mind....I don't know where to start...hmmm... well, as I last posted, I was done with Alfred Angelo. I left them for a job at a men's clothing store as Assistant Manager. Everything was fantastic....while I trained at another store, then I was sent back to my store. This is where my dreams of having a better job were shattered. The first few weeks, I wasn't quite sure what was wrong, but all I could say is my manager was intense. There was just something about her. Then I noticed her inner "biotch" start to shine! And boy is it bright!!!! But it's a total light switch; on/off, on/off! IT DRIVES ME NUTS! In the last week, I've really felt uncomfortable with her. Two days before Thanksgiving, my cat went nuts and I needed to take her to the vet to make sure it wasn't something serious, so I called and asked if I could come in early so I could leave early. She said it was fine. Then there were 2 days I was late, like 7-8 minutes. Which I called her and explained to her that I as stuck in traffic (especially one day, from the winds, the freeway was blocked).  Then I had a sick day. A day where I probably would have gotten the whole store sick if I had gone. All this caused me to be written up. I can understand being written up for being late, but having to take my cat to the vet and being sick?! How does that count against me?! Her reasoning is "the policy book states that you have to work your scheduled shifts". So this means, I can't have ANY emergency what so ever! She also told me this is means for termination and that she feels like she made a mistake hiring me because I am "soooooo" unreliable. Whatever b.....

But this doesn't really matter in comparison to how she actually treats me! She is rude, short, snappy, and just uncomfortable for me to be around. Stupid things like me telling her the DM is in the area and the Upland store told us to be on the look out, she says "Good for him". Now is that necessary?! NO! Or today, she went on her lunch, then about 10 minutes later the phone kept ringing but every time I answered, they hung up. So finally I gave the phone to one of the associates and it was my manager! I find that a little ironic that 4 times in a row the phone rings then hang up until someone else answered. Then there are the times when I ask her how to do something and she gets mad and makes comments like "you should know this by now". Or when I asked about the extended Holiday hours; "Well clearly you didn't read the Holiday policy packet". Save the attitude! Really! BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY GETS ME, the second another associate is around, she is sweet as pie to me. Acts like we are BFF's and go way back!! CUT THE CRAP WOMAN!!!
All this just makes me think that I made a mistake by leaving Alfred Angelo. I just try to remember that I was underpaid and overworked and that I was being used. Why can't I just find a good job?!? The boyfriend says I'm not happy anywhere I go, and he's right, I'm not. But there is good reason! Again I say, I miss the Deli Grind. Mostly because it was a job where we were all a family and there was respect for each other. It was chill and there was no BS drama! I miss it! Maybe that's what ruined my outlook on all jobs. My first job was the absolute best! So now I have such high expectations. Sigh....

So I also wonder again about my major choice. I flip flop back and forth as much as one changes their chonies. But I can't help it. I feel like every choice I make is the wrong one so I'm nervous that I will never find a job in photography and will end up working retail the rest of my life and as I previously vented, I DO NOT LIKE RETAIL!!! I can't help but keep going back to teaching. A part of me, a big part of me (and I'm a big girl - so that's a lot!) really wants to be a preschool teacher. I love young kids and I feel like there are too many people out there responsible for the youth, for our future, that really should NOT be! Part of me wants to get my certification in photography, and continue to do it on the side but start taking Child Development Classes. Here's a pro, if I only want to teach preschool. I only need 12 units complete and I can actually start working in a day care. 12 units is only one semester. Here's another pro, if I decide I want to continue schooling and be an elementary teacher, I will have summer vacations. I can spend summer vacations focusing on photography. Maybe book a few summer weddings and such to keep the bills paid. I don't know. I love both. Today, a young mom came in with her 2 children who had face paint on. The mom expressed to me how she needs to be quick before the kids start acting up. I found out what she was looking for and directed her where to go. At that point I started talking with the kids and asking them about their face paint. Then went on and on about the parade and Santa and it gave mom time to shop with out worrying about her kids. I quite enjoyed it. The mom thanked me and after she left I felt more satisfied with helping her with her kids then I did with making a sale. The rest of the day, all I could think about is how I wished I worked with kids. What does that mean?! Am I wrong to change my major, AGAIN?! And am I so concerned about what people are going to say if I change it that I might pass up on doing what I was meant to be doing? But what happens if photography is it for me? I'm not going to lie, I can be pretty artistic when I shoot, but is it really enough to have a steady job or will I end up freelancing it?! Why does this have to be so hard?! Why does growing up have to be sooooo complicated?!

Which brings me to my next statement; In two months from today, I will be 28!! OMG!!!  I can say that I am actually somewhat happy that I am where I am. When I was 25 I stated that I had better be moved out by 27, and I did move out at 27. Not how I imagined, but I really like where I live. I have good roomies, and it's in an ideal location. I am in school (whatever my major might end up being) but in school none the less. I have a boyfriend who loves me (most days- but I think today isn't one of them :p ) and family and friends who love me. I know I am blessed. I just can't believe how fast life happens!

Anyway, I think it's time to veg out to some episodes of "New Girl" (my absolute fav) and then call it a night. Thank you dear Internet for letting me spill my guts all over you....