The last time I blogged, it was the end of 2013 and I wrote about how 2014 was going to be my year. I talked about the changes I would be making and after going back and reading that blog, I’m excited to look back and see just how awesome this year has been for me so far. I also felt that I wanted to blog because there are a few things I wanted to talk about that are just too long for a typical Facebook status.
Lately, I’ve been posting a lot about body positivity and standing against body shaming. I even found a group on Instagram called “pizzasisters4lyfe” that is all about loving the skin you’re in. Yes, it’s mostly plus sized woman who love pizza (really, who doesn’t?!) but at the same time, it is so much more than that. It creates an opportunity to connect with people who have experienced the same struggles with society’s outlook on what is considered beautiful. I have also chosen to be part of the “Eff Your Beauty Standards” movement created by the gorgeous plus size model Tess Muenster. To be honest, I am not sure how long it has taken me to get to the point where I love the skin I’m in, but I am thrilled that I do. Here is where it gets tricky though. People think just because I’m against body shaming and that I am finally comfortable being who I am, that I have just thrown in the towel on weight loss. This is absolutely not true. What is true however, is my reasoning for wanting to lose weight has changed. My body is not meant to handle the weight that I have and boy does it remind me every single day. I struggle going up the stairs, I get tired really fast, I am always hot, I don’t fit comfortably everywhere, and my stomach seems to always be upset. These are just a few things that I would love to change. But the number one reason is because I LOVE MY BODY. I love that I have one that is fully functioning and I would like to keep it that way. So I continue on my journey of losing weight because I want to be healthy and live long and not because I hate myself.
I think back to times that people have made remarks about how pretty I would be if I lost weight or asking if I really need a second serving of food. Even times when people would grab my tummy while giving me a look as if to say “look bitch, you’re fat and you need to stop”. AND THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY LOVE ME. So I’m not even talking about the dirty judgmental looks I get, the obscene comments that get yelled out to me, or the giggles I hear all from the general public. My whole life I have dealt with it and my whole life I have been insecure, hating myself. Fad diet after fad diet just to be accepted by everyone else while never accepting myself. Not sure if it’s the age thing but I have stopped caring what the world thinks about me. You know what? For the first time in life, I am at peace with myself. That heavy burden of wanting to be perfect always creating anxiety inside of me is gone. I had no idea what being at peace truly felt like until recently. It is one of the best feelings in the world! And with that peace, I am encouraged to take better care of myself so I can do more things. I love being active and have always prided myself on being super active regardless of my weight. But as I get older, the weight makes creates a struggle that I didn’t have before. Now that I have a new niece in my life, I want to get to a place that I am active and healthy and not struggling to do things. Not to mention, I’d love to take her to amusement parks when she’s older without being too large for a ride. Or even traveling; last time I flew I was borderline needing two seats. Airline seats are the worst! Smaller than freaken movie theater seats. Anyway, my goal is to be healthy and active, not skinny just to be accepted by the world.
Another reason I love the body positive movement is that it is also a reminder for me not to hate those who struggle on the opposite side of weight issues. After being picked on my whole life by “skinny” people, I’ve acquired a lot of hate in my heart. So naturally my first instinct is to judge and hate before even meeting the person since I just assumed they were going to make fun of me anyway. That doesn’t make me any better than any of those who picked on me. But as I’ve gotten older I have met “skinny” girls who struggle with self-image just as much as I always have. Whether they can’t gain weight or they’re bulimic or anorexic, or just hate the way they look in general. The point is, society has set these ridiculous standards for what a woman should look like causing millions of women to hate themselves. You know what I say to that? Eff your beauty standards!!! Beauty comes from the inside and radiates the outside.
Be an example to women around you and love yourself and love them! Especially to younger girls. Yes, encourage them to be healthy and take care of themselves but out of love and not hatred for themselves. Be-you-tiful!
